So most of my posts are happy, go-lucky...usually something new to report, but this one I just have to get a few things off my chest...confessions if you will. The change of season from wonderful warm summer to a bit chilly for flip flops/don't go anywhere without a jacket...really gets to me. I feel like I have to try harder to fight some of those things that inevitably just bother me. I think I will start a list and hope that this helps...
1. I have to try harder at being a better parent because Jace is constantly asking two questions...if he can go outside and...where daddy is at?
Brett has been gone more with school lately, works on the weekends, and recently has been helping some friends put a roof on their house...hence, he seems to be gone all the time. And the outside thing...it is just too cold and when it is warm he seems to be taking a nap. This makes me feel like a single parent and WAY more homesick than ever (due to family and the perfect weather they have...the grass is always greener somewhere else).
2. I have to juggle my work days around everyone's schedule because we choose to not do the babysitter thing if we can. He still goes occasionally, but that is just one more schedule to juggle. Don't get me wrong, I totally love what I do. It bothers me when I screw up because I didn't have enough info from everybody's schedules and then have to make up for it later on and can't do other things, because I am the majority of our income.
I know this doesn't make any sense to anybody...but I am confessing the things that irritate me.
3. I am SO done with school....I know Brett talks about doing a phD and if he decides to do it I will support him and think it would be great for his career, but really the stress, the lack of money, the not knowing where or what we are doing, the late nights, the last minute assignments are all really getting on my nerves. No offense Brett...I still love you!
4. Being the "maid" around the house. I feel like I can't keep up. There are always more toys and dishes and meals to make and laundry to do and diapers to change and baths to give...It never ends, and it can be completely overwhelming doing it all the time.
5. Last but not least, most of you know we have been trying to get pregnant with a second child, but have had no luck for about 7 months now. I don't want anyone to say I am sorry or anything, but it seems like everywhere I turn...somebody is pregnant or just gave birth. Congrats to everyone! No one will ever understand what it is like until they have been through it. I know this is only teaching me empathy for those with the same problem...but we are totally ready to have another and Jace is too. Jace points out babies in the store in pictures...etc. I am just asking for prayers...ultimately it is up to Heavenly Father anyway...but could you let him know we are ready whenenver he decides. I am trying to be patient, but just really hard with babies coming every direction I turn. I hope I don't regret sharing this.
6. The holidays are coming...enough said.
I don't know if the weather is effecting me or what, but hopefully this post will remind everyone that I am human! I have down days, weeks, months and I have good days, weeks, and months. I have stresses in my life that I wish I didn't have, but will learn to cope with them. I really am happy and have a wonderful, intelligent child, a loving husband, and great extended family. I just needed to get a few things off my chest....hope you enjoyed the crazy inner workings of my silly OCD mind! Heheheh